March 2015 Preview

I feel sorry for March. I’d give it a supportive hug if I could, but it’s an intangible concept of time and as such isn’t big on affection or physical contact no matter how sincerely I mean it. It’s not easy having to follow months of awards movies and the actual Academy Award ceremony itself with a plate of your own movies to offer. People are all movied out by this point, surely? Well I still think you’re great, March, and whilst your pickings may be slimmer than then average bear/month/a third thing there are some great films that Joe Q. Public would be an utter spatula to overlook. Such as…

March 6^th – Still Alice

So as you may have noticed from those film awards what the telly done showed recently, Julianne Moore finally managed to hoist a small golden man in triumph and recognition of her damnedly impressive acting skills. Whilst we’d like to say it was for one of her countless amazing performances already to date it turns out to be for this ‘un here in Still Alice. Moore plays Alice, a linguistics professor who finds herself diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s Disease, the terrible irony and gravitas of the situation uncontrollably spiralling across her and her family. Whilst Alec Baldwin and Kristen Stewart also star, this is undoubtedly the Julianne Moore show starring Julianne and the Moores. Go see it for premier acting chops.

March 6^th – Chappie

Man, Neil Blompkamp must be pretty damn proud of himself. Not only has he emerged at the top of the dystopian-science-fiction pile with his previous two films District 9 and Elysium, but he’s just scored the chance to make the next Alien movie. Talk about luck! Hmm? What? I’m sorry I was meant to be talking about what? Oh right, Chappie! Blompkamp good-luck charm Sharlto Copley mo-caps the security-robot-made-good who just wants to watch He-Man, hang out with South African rap-rave duo Die Antwoord, wear bling and be a yoof. It’s these reasons that Hugh Jackman and his evil corporate mullet are after dear ol’ Chappie, I mean, if a robot can learn to enjoy South African rap-rave, there’s no telling what it can do!

March 20^th – Insurgent

Are you still keeping up with the Divergent series of books/films? If so but have an allergy to spoilers look away now! If, however, you’re not so spoiler-intolerant or not overly fussed one way or the other, keep on reading and I’ll make this as painless as I can…

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Still reading? Okay, y’know, having said all that I’ve been trying to find out what exactly is going on this second instalment of the ‘Divergent’ series and have been steamrolled by the most nondescript explanations ever, to wit: Beatrice Prior (Shailene Woodley) and her handsome male companion, Four (Theo James), must continue the struggle against the Erudite faction who control their near-future dystopian world. Your guess is as good as mine, dear reader.

March 20^th – The Gunman

You know what I like about Sean Penn? Aside from the obvious answers of having Andy Warhol at one of his weddings, the Dutch indie band named after him, being buddies with Metallica’s Lars Ulrich, his tour of Venezuela with Hugo Chavez and ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’, of course. The man doesn’t stoop for that low-hanging fruit known in common parlance as ‘Like ‘Taken’ except…’ that everyone seems to after these days. The man has a sense of self that means he wo- wait a minute, that’s what The Gunman is, isn’t it? ‘Taken’ with Sean Penn, right? Bugger. Well it could be amusing; I, for one, intend to imagine it as ‘The Continued Poor Life Choices of Jeff Spicoli’. If you don’t know who that is, go watch ‘Ridgemont High’ right now. NOW.

March 20^th – The Voices

Love him, hate him, be inclined to throw a variety of things at him, Ryan Reynolds tends to get everywhere. I know his body of work isn’t the most inspiring film CV, but the man does have an inherent charm. I know that didn’t save Green Lantern, R.I.P.D, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and so on, but give the man a good enough chance and he surely something must stick. It’s with that I’m glad to see him in Marjane Persepolis Satrapi’s newest film foray which sees Reynolds as a mild-mannered bath factory worker who wants to meet the right girl, if only his bickering pets would stop telling him to kill them and store their heads in the fridge. Cats, man.

March 20^th – The Tale of The Princess Kaguya

Studio Ghibli. ‘Nuff said.

March 27^th – Cinderella

When asked at coffee-point, a friend of mine said that in most any situation that they will give Kenneth Branagh the benefit of the doubt. So it’s with that the man behind the infamous versions of Hamlet, Henry V, Othello, Thor and Wild Wild West comes to us waving around the reins of Disney’s live-action Cinderella. It could be ridiculous. Scratch that, it WILL be ridiculous in at least some way (and I’m not just talking about Cinderella’s waist-line, hey-o) because it’s Kenneth Branagh doing a Disney Princess story. Come on people.

March 27^th – Wild Tales

It mightn’t have walked away with the little gold man for Best Foreign Language Film, but it was at least given lingering consideration. This Argentine-Spanish movie about several tales of revenge and being generally petty and short-tempered stumbles awkwardly on our laps at the end of the month and is well worth the look-in. The comedy appears to be darker than dark matter, and for those of you not in that particular scientific know, dark matter is the one substance in the universe that can only be detected by its effect on other particles as opposed to being observable in any other knowable capacity. That’s Argentinian comedy for you.